Your standards change when you have children, especially toddlers. Things that you wouldn't dare have said in polite company before children suddenly become common place. These are some things I have found myself yelling as a mummy...
In the shopping centre "Ava, have you done poo? (No) Just fluffies? (Yes) Good then!"
Racing to the toilet in Harvey Normans, at the top of my lungs "Hold your poo in! Good girl, hold your poo in!"
On the phone with my friend, Tyler. "Blah blah blah blah, AVA! Stop torturing them!" Tyler: Ummmmm, do you have slaves in your basement? (Ava was poking the rats through the bars of the cage)
Gardening the other day: "If you need to do wees, squat on the grass. That's what you do if you need to wee outside!" Sorry, neighbours. I am not that strange, really.
Going to the toilet by myself caused Ava to burst into tears. "Sometimes, grownups like to go to the toilet by themselves" (Waaaaah, I want to help!) "Well, I don't need help to poo!"
In Activate 2 days ago with my friend Emily: Me "Is that wee or juice? Oh, juice. Phew!" Em "How can you tell?" "I sniffed it (Amazed and disgusted stare) I guess that's a Mummy thing."
I am sure there are more...