Sunday, February 27, 2011

Discipline and Toddlers...

Notice that the title of this post is "Discipline AND Toddlers" and not "Disciplining Toddlers". My wonderful friend, Ben, comment on my 'discipline' at a rock concert that we were at the other day. Yes, rock concert. Ava loved the music, and even did her 'angry dance' all the way through the more metal songs. And then ate her body weight in Turkish bread and hummus. Yum.

Now, discipline is a subject that gets everyone up in arms, and I know I have blogged about this before, but this is what I believe and what works for me. You can beat and scream at your children all you want, just don't winge when they smack you and yell right back in your face.

The work discipline comes from Latin roots and it means "to teach", and when it boils down to it, I am trying to teach is self control, relationship/ interpersonal skills, manners, good habits and how to be safe.

Now, toddlers have a curious mind, immature nervous systems, growing needs and wants and limited verbal skills to express themselves. For example, "Poo" can mean "I need to do a poo" OR "I have just filled my nappy with poo" OR (because of their immature nervous systems) "Wow, I was sure that fart was going to be a poo".... Weeeeeell, you get the gist. And when emotions get really big and little systems flood with adrenaline, grunts, screams, slaps and kicks often replace words as toddlers struggle to express what is racing through their heads. They cannot yet grasp concepts like 'share', 'take turns', 'tidy' and 'hurry'. The concept of ownership is not yet formed and so everything becomes 'mine'. The idea of 'teaching' discipline is also hard at this stage, because you are not dealing with a rational, miniature person, but a growing living organism whose mental capabilities and needs far outstrip the language needed to communicate. Couple that with an insatiable curiosity about the world and how it works, and you have a toddler.

Discipline is also often associated with punishment, and positive reinforcement often gets forgotten, OR WORSE, palmed off as mollycoddling, hippy shit. Well, I can tell you, EVERY SINGLE TIME I have smacked Ava, it has done nothing but given me a irrational, screaming child to deal with, and it has been because I was angry. I am a human being and not perfect, and I have definitely regretted the way I have handled situations before, and it has usually been when I have lashed out and smacked. I probably yell too much, and being quite honest, it is probably because I am too lazy to stop what I am doing and go over to where the problem is. As I said before, not perfect.

When I was pregnant, I looked after my body, staying active and eating the right foods. When Ava was a tiny baby I fed her when she was hungry, and picked her up when she cried. I breastfed her until she was ready to stop and slept next to her until she was 10 months old. I ignored people telling me that I would 'spoil my child', because what I was teaching her was to love and to trust in relationships and people. I wanted to set a good foundation for self control, based on mutual love and respect. So, now if she slaps another child or up-ends her water on the floor, I get down to her level and explain to her that what she did was 'not nice' or 'not good'. She says sorry, and then we follow logical consequences, so she apologises or cleans up, and I really haven't had any problems with that. I try not to smack or to yell, and usually these things only happen when I am tired or overwhelmed. Instead, I am trying to gently guide Ava towards those qualities that I think will serve her best as she grows up.

Routine, consistency, firm guideline, high standards but realistic expectations, prior planning, distracting and redirecting, good nutrition, positive reinforcement, natural and logical consequences, modelling good behaviour, varied and new experiences to learn and most of all a loving and safe environment, these are all pieces to the puzzle that makes up our day.

This is not some weirdo hippy shit either. My daughter is polite, well behaved, tidy, has an inside voice and an outside voice, and although she can sometimes be naughty and forgetful, people compliment me on what a well behaved and 'easy' child she is. And I have never been told that she is spoilt.

Many, many people tell you to growl or smack, time out, time in, naughty corners, naughty chairs, going to bedrooms, all sorts of things. Well, those of your that know Ava, know that I am raising someone who is pretty special, and even though it is probably all her, I don't think I am doing half bad.

Saturday, February 26, 2011

Updated

I lot of people have been asking how I am getting along with the new food and everything.
Short answer : Slowly but steadily.

Long answer: (For Bree and Ben and Carolyn!)

Last Thursday my bad ankle was so sore that there was no way that I was going to be able to teach dance because I could hardly walk, so I took the opportunity whilst at the doctors to discuss my Mirena. I said that a couple of things had led my to believe that my Mirena was causing my weight gain.

My boobs hurt ALL the time.
I felt weepy and sooky at the drop of a hat and my emotions felt less "in check"
My bra size had gone from a 14C to a 16F (F for F$#&ING HUGE)
My skin was very blotchy
I felt bloated all the time

and in general, I didn't feel like me. I felt fat, depressed, boring, bloated and spotty! Awesome contraceptive, cause who wants sleep with a hormonal, weepy mess anyway!

All in all, the Mirena was very good. It was unobtrusive and effective, and definitely allowed for spontaneity and.....uhhh.......closeness. He hem. Unfortunately, I happen to be one of the 5-10% of women who absorb more hormones and have adverse effects.

So, I have had it out for a week, and already I feel less foggy in the head and more able to be rational and cool headed. Thank God, because I had the work week from hell. But my boobs are smaller, my waist not as puffy and generally, I feel better in my body.

The scales haven't moved much this week.......well, they had, but a couple of drinks and the ensuing hash brown sandwich (thanks hunny!) combined with lots of turkish bread and fresh hommus for dinner last night (MMmmmmmm, carbs with oil....drool) have meant that my 2kg loss which the scales showed on Friday was only a -0.2 loss. However being in the 70s as opposed to the 80s is good.......at least until I am back in the 60s again!

I guess I am not stressing. Saying you have lost 2 kilos in a week is a nice feeling, but I have given myself the entire year to shed the weight I gained in a year, and so in short, it's going, slowly, but steadily.

Friday, February 4, 2011

bloody bloody bloody blaaaaaaaah....

I was in such a deep funk this morning, and I couldn't shake myself out of it. Even yoga, which usually leaves me feeling like I am floating on a cloud of exercise induced endorphins had only mildly lifted my mood.

My weight has not budged. Not one kg on my expensive, reveal all, leave nothing to the imagination scales. A little up, a little down, a little up, a little down. But on the whole, more up than down.

This really has me stumped. I am not lacking in motivation, or will power. My thyroid and levels are normal. I eat a low calorie, low fat, balanced vegetarian diet. I see a dietician, who has told me that my diet is very balanced and that I am making the right choices. So why has an extra 15 kilos found me in the last year?

One of the answers may be the birth control I am using. Currently, with no children planned for the future, I have a Mirena IUD. The Intra Uterine Device sits in the uterus and releases a low level of a certain type of progesterone, tricking the body into thinking it is pregnant, stopping the endometrium from forming, stopping you ovulating and also providing a physical obstacle from unwanted pregnancy. The level of hormone is apparently 1/5 of the Implanon, and even less enters the blood stream, because it is absorbed locally. The doctor who inserted it assured me that weight gain is significantly less with the Mirena than other hormone based contraceptives like the pill. My best friend asked her doctor on my behalf if weight gain was a side effect of the Mirena, and the doctor said 'no', so I dug out the product information booklet this morning, and it is listed as the first side effect, along with nervousness, depression and nausea. So, the levels of hormones can't really be all that low, can they? It also states that if you are breastfeeding, that there will be a small ammount of progesterone present in breast milk, the same level as if you were taking the progesterone only mini pill. So, if it is absorbed locally, what is the hormone doing in your breast milk?

I guess when I got it fitted, I misunderstood the term "small amount". It must be a "small amount" by doctors standards, because if it is the same as the mini-pill, it is too much for my body. Tricking my body into thinking it is pregnant has caused it to react like it is pregnant and put on weight around my boobs and belly.

The kicker finally came a few weeks ago, when I was being fitted for a new bra. The lady politely informed me that the particular sports bra I was after didn't come in my size. I was very shocked, until I learnt that I have grown from a 14D to a 14E/F /16DD/E. My boobs are absolutely ginormous. No two ways about that.

I hope this is a piece of the puzzle for me, because I am really at my wits end. This week alone I clocked up over eight hours of exercise, and I ate sensibly all week, with only one real blow out...and it was pretty mild; I had homemade nachos. I danced, rode to work, did yoga, walked and still the scales shifted upwards.

So, I am going to see about getting my Mirena changed for an old fashioned copper T. Hopefully, sensible diet and exercise will work better without extra hormones in my blood, and I can get onto achieving the goals I set myself for 2011, because I am a bit sick of hating myself.