I have caught that many wees and poos, had them on floors, in baths, in knickers, in the pool, on window sills and on the playroom floor. I have (mostly) been patient, kind, enthusiastic and empathetic. I have slogged it out; run the toilet training marathon, praying and hoping to see the light that signifies the end of the tunnel. So, why does it suddenly click when she is staying with her Daddy for the week and I am in Bali!?
I feel ripped off! I wanted the glory! I wanted that sense of completion! I wanted it! Me! Me! Me!
Of course I am being silly, it is fantastic that all the pieces of the puzzle clicked for her, and she has reached that milestone. I am just selfish and jealous that it wasn't me there next to her.
His Majesty and I have been in Bali for a week. I scrimped and saved this year, my measly $20 a fortnight, enough to pay for 2 tickets to Bali, and we lived it up the whole week! Scrubbed and polished, massaged, wined and dined and walked till our feet threatened to fall off. It was a really nice break, but by the end of seven days of not being with my girl, I was very ready to come home.
It was a very hard decision not to take the girls along, and I fought His Majesty at first. It's not our family without the girls, I will be miserable, she will miss me, I will miss her....on and on. In the end, sound logic won and we went with just the two of us. Bali is an assault on all the senses, and whilst strange and exhilarating for adults, I can only imagine it would be overwhelming and bewildering for a small child to keep pace with what we did. The heat and humidity are almost unbearable as an adult, the plane ride uncomfortable, the waiting boring and the noise! The assault on your ears is incredible, and it takes a few days until you get acclimatised to the constant beeping and honking and swerving as you are driving, or being called at and followed as you walk. The more I saw of Bali, and we did a hell of a lot of things in 7 days, the more I agreed with His Majesty that it would have been a very different holiday with babies in tow. Enjoyable, but different.
My sister thought I was stupid for not wanting to stay in Bali any longer, and wanting to come home and be with Ava again. I am old enough to know that I don't have to justify my feelings to anybody, and that I am allowed to fiercely love and miss my baby girl if I want to. Really, it is impossible to explain to someone what it means to be a parent. Maybe it is just me, and I am stupid and lame, but to me it is like a constant ache, a constant thought, that pulls you towards your baby. It is like magnetism, or an obsession. She is always in the back of your mind, always first and foremost in your planning and number one on any list.
So, I had a blast. FINALLY, we were able to have a romantic getaway, and just be young and in love, something we have not really been able to do. That said, I am also very happy to be home.
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