I have spent the last year trying to sort out my finances, redefine my life, reconnect with family and friends and find some stability and security in my living and parenting arrangements. They were my goals for this year, and I think I have done pretty well. I am happy with the choices that I have made and the place were I am in my life. I talk more frequently with my sister and my parents, and although it is probably not often enough, I think that we are all okay with where we are at the moment. I have wonderful friends that are friends with me, and not just because I am a part of a couple, and I tied up some loose ends as well, and said goodbye to some old friends as well. I have a loving and healthy relationship, built on an understanding that we are two individuals that have chosen to share our journey together, and that we enrich our lives by supporting and loving the other, but not necessarily living in each others pockets. I am comfortable in my co-parenting relationship with Ava's Dad, and confident that I am doing the best for her. I am growing in my role as a step-parent, and I actively try to be bigger, kinder, wiser and stronger for all my family members.
But all these goals related to people around me. My family, my friends, Ava, and whilst that is all sorted out now and in a place where I am happy with the connections I have, in 2011 I will be focusing, and in a very selfish way, on me.
I have always been a Mummy. I was the one at parties, looking after people and holding their hair. I have always been house and garden proud, always enjoying babysitting, looking after people, helping out, nurturing, loving....you get the picture. And I am not in the habit of putting other people first. However, next year I have to.
My health has declined this year, and I have managed to find a couple of problems and an extra 15 kilos along the way. This has affected my work and also how I feel about myself. Yes, I don't look overweight. Yes, I carry myself and dress very well. BUT, I need to regain my health, I need to reach a healthy body weight and I need to put myself first.
So, I am doing a few things. I have rejoined the Biggest Loser Club online, to use the food diary and nutritionist advice and all the other amazing tools they have on the site. I am not going to yo-yo around with shakes and pills any more, I am going to eat real food and lose weight slowly.
I am going to make exercise a part of my daily routine....well, with more dance classes than ever next year, I really don't have a choice!!! In order to keep teaching dance, I really do need to not put on anymore weight.
I am seeing a nutritionist, to have my everyday diet evaluated and to see where I can make some healthy changes and ensure I am getting all my vitamins and minerals and maintaining a correct calorie in to calorie out ratio.
The biggest change next year, however, is that I am not doing any shows. Acting and Musical Theatre have been a big part of my life for the past 4 years, and I have made some amazing memories and grown so much as a performer, but the time commitment is too great, and while it brings me a great deal of joy, it also steals time away from my daughter and myself. Independent theatre in Perth is an amazing, vibrant and very professional community, who will still be there when I have myself in order. I will miss it, but I think I will have so much fun redefining who I am that I will survive one year without it.
I am so excited for this new adventure, and I love the person that I am, and that I now have the freedom to continually grow and reinvent myself.
Watch this space in 2011!