A couple of days ago, I was driving along and a bike wizzed out in front of me as I was about to pull out onto the road. I don't know who was in the wrong, probably me, but it was never going to be an accident, my car was barely moving. He flipped me the bird and called a torrent of abuse over his shoulder. Logically, I started crying. Must have been PMS-ing.
I wondered, as I was driving home, whether this person gave any thought to the consequence of his actions. Did he think I would be upset? Or did he just say whatever he felt in order to make himself feel better with no regard to my feelings or what actually went on? Do people think about the impact that mouthing off can have on other people?
Recently, at a wedding, someone asked me, "So, how's it all going (with His Majesty)?" I didn't really know what to say. So she says, "Do you love him?" and I was really taken aback, and I got a little bit upset because in a year and a bit, nobody had asked me if I loved the man I share my life with. It took me a while to put things into place in my head after that realisation and to answer that, yes, I do. I love him.
In all the confusion surrounding the end of marriage and the beginning of my new relationship, a lot of people were very quick to talk and judge, but nobody (it felt like nobody) bothered to ask me if I was happier, nobody asked me if I loved this man. People said I should have waited longer. People said I shouldn't have left. People said he was confused. People said a lot of things, but didn't remember that I am a real person, with real feelings.
To all the people who have called me immoral, a tramp, spread rumours, whatever....Hmmmmm. I was going to write all nice things here. Come talk to me, imagine how it makes me feel, blah blah blah, but the truth is that I don't care. I am the only person who can live my life and I am doing the best I can.
Except the person who spread the rumour about me neglecting my daughter. If you (and I know who you are) ever admit that it was you, you'd better be as far away from me as you can possibly be.
Back to the first paragraph.
I was also very appreciative and quite touched. The person who asked me has been a wonderful friend to us, and has never passed judgement, never criticised, never said hurtful things. She and her husband had steadfastly been our friends, even though we don't see each other all that often, stupid busy lives we lead!
Thank you for caring about how I am. Thank you for seeing me, a real person with real feelings, and not just the fact that I am not with my husband anymore. My life is enriched because you are in it.