Your standards change when you have children, especially toddlers. Things that you wouldn't dare have said in polite company before children suddenly become common place. These are some things I have found myself yelling as a mummy...
In the shopping centre "Ava, have you done poo? (No) Just fluffies? (Yes) Good then!"
Racing to the toilet in Harvey Normans, at the top of my lungs "Hold your poo in! Good girl, hold your poo in!"
On the phone with my friend, Tyler. "Blah blah blah blah, AVA! Stop torturing them!" Tyler: Ummmmm, do you have slaves in your basement? (Ava was poking the rats through the bars of the cage)
Gardening the other day: "If you need to do wees, squat on the grass. That's what you do if you need to wee outside!" Sorry, neighbours. I am not that strange, really.
Going to the toilet by myself caused Ava to burst into tears. "Sometimes, grownups like to go to the toilet by themselves" (Waaaaah, I want to help!) "Well, I don't need help to poo!"
In Activate 2 days ago with my friend Emily: Me "Is that wee or juice? Oh, juice. Phew!" Em "How can you tell?" "I sniffed it (Amazed and disgusted stare) I guess that's a Mummy thing."
I am sure there are more...
Showing posts with label baby. Show all posts
Showing posts with label baby. Show all posts
Sunday, January 23, 2011
Wednesday, September 22, 2010
Poo
Poo. Parents and non-parents divide over this seemingly simple by product of the digestive system, and the divide is large.
To non-parents: A topic that is not brought up in polite conversation, a minorly inconvenient but thoroughly neccessary and sometimes relieving, almost mildly enjoyable dayly event. (time can change. Depends how much fibre is in your diet.)
To parents: The yard stick for measurement of infant/toddler/child health and development. A safe topic of conversation with other parents. A way of determining allergies, intolerances, worms, viral infections, too much liquorice (black) too much corn (ahhhhh, lotsa corn basically) or whether you child has chewed their food adequately. Whole raisins that look like they could be rinsed off and used again is an indication that food chewing needs to be taught again. Best not to rinse them off and use the same raisins though.
People who don't have children cannot fully understand how much can be gleaned from a single poo. It's colour, it's form, the smell, the consistancy, the watery liquid that can accompany a really nasty one...
Anyone who has had to visit a pediatric immunologist the visit will go something like this:
Dr: 'So, her stools are not formed?'
Me: 'ahhhhhh, her....?'
Dr: 'Poo. Her poo. What does it look like?'
Me: 'Oh, ummm, runny, I guess. Like satay.'
Dr: 'So, chunky as well?'
Me: 'Oh, ah, I didn't really notice. I guess there were bits in it...'
And the conversation goes on and on until you are convinced you should have studied poo much harder and that the immmunologist is going to give you a 'D' in poo, but only if he is in a good mood. And then he charges you $300 for the whole conversation.
Poo and how it relates to your child becomes the cornerstone of the parenting existence.
First it was meconium..... everyone warns you about meconium, but the reality is much worse. Thank god it doesn't smell, but it would make excellent road base. That stuff is impermeable to everything.
Then breast milk poo. It is not uncommon to hear parents say " I miss breast milk poo." I miss breast milk poo! It was so sweet smelling and yellow. IT WAS!
Then the excitement of seeing the by-products of solids, the horror of toddler poos, and the sheer exaltation of a poo in the potty.
Now, non-parents, can you see why this photo makes me divinely happy?
To non-parents: A topic that is not brought up in polite conversation, a minorly inconvenient but thoroughly neccessary and sometimes relieving, almost mildly enjoyable dayly event. (time can change. Depends how much fibre is in your diet.)
To parents: The yard stick for measurement of infant/toddler/child health and development. A safe topic of conversation with other parents. A way of determining allergies, intolerances, worms, viral infections, too much liquorice (black) too much corn (ahhhhh, lotsa corn basically) or whether you child has chewed their food adequately. Whole raisins that look like they could be rinsed off and used again is an indication that food chewing needs to be taught again. Best not to rinse them off and use the same raisins though.
People who don't have children cannot fully understand how much can be gleaned from a single poo. It's colour, it's form, the smell, the consistancy, the watery liquid that can accompany a really nasty one...
Anyone who has had to visit a pediatric immunologist the visit will go something like this:
Dr: 'So, her stools are not formed?'
Me: 'ahhhhhh, her....?'
Dr: 'Poo. Her poo. What does it look like?'
Me: 'Oh, ummm, runny, I guess. Like satay.'
Dr: 'So, chunky as well?'
Me: 'Oh, ah, I didn't really notice. I guess there were bits in it...'
And the conversation goes on and on until you are convinced you should have studied poo much harder and that the immmunologist is going to give you a 'D' in poo, but only if he is in a good mood. And then he charges you $300 for the whole conversation.
Poo and how it relates to your child becomes the cornerstone of the parenting existence.
First it was meconium..... everyone warns you about meconium, but the reality is much worse. Thank god it doesn't smell, but it would make excellent road base. That stuff is impermeable to everything.
Then breast milk poo. It is not uncommon to hear parents say " I miss breast milk poo." I miss breast milk poo! It was so sweet smelling and yellow. IT WAS!
Then the excitement of seeing the by-products of solids, the horror of toddler poos, and the sheer exaltation of a poo in the potty.
Monday, September 13, 2010
My Warrior Mother
Something inside you awakens in you when you have a child. Something very primitive and instinctive and a little bit scary.
I call it my WARRIOR MOTHER.
I have always been a reasonable person; I am calm under pressure, logical, and I don't often lose my temper. I am a little but shy when it comes to new people. I think that manners and social graces are very important and I despise rudeness and arrogance. I like being around people who are geniune, warm and tolerant.
My WARRIOR MOTHER has other ideas.
SHE is not that dissimilar to me, except her motivations are not quite as diverse. SHE has one overiding motivation and that is to protect and defend the small one at all costs. Someone points out Ava's bright red hair in the street? SHE curls her lip back and growls a warning not to touch the small one's head. Someone carelessly bumps Ava in the shopping centre? SHE snaps around, snarling and shielding the small one. One of the other small children at daycare wants a toy, and hits Ava because she has it? I can barely restrain HER, because all she wants to do is go and slap that child as hard as SHE can for daring to touch HER baby.
When Ava was small, we were at the pool, swimming. It was Ava's second time in the water, and she was timidly kicking her chubby little legs, feeling her way and trusting the big people to keep her safe. Some boys of about 9 or 10 were throwing a ball to each other over the pool. A couple of throws, happy laughter,until a throw fell short, and landed on Ava's face.
WARRIOR MOTHER took over immediately, snatching the screaming and scared baby from her shocked father's arms, SHE cradled the infant tightly to her body, and started after the boys.
The poor boys took off in a blind panic. I am sure that they have never been so scared in their lives.
Well now, the obvious truth here is that the Warrior Mother is not a mythical being, nor is she a separate entity like in a fantasty RPG, but who I am, now that I am a "mother". The pure intensity of that rage in that moment will stick with me for the rest of my life. Ava had awakened in me a love so intense, and so complete that I would literally go aganst my nature to protect it. And I will, over and over. Each new challenge Ava faces brings with it an emotional reaction so visceral and so strong that I have named her. She is my WARRIOR MOTHER.
Ava, you permeate every second of my time and every part of my being. I want everything for you, and nothing more than to know that I am getting some of the 'mothering' things right. I don't understand how I thought I knew about love before you.
I call it my WARRIOR MOTHER.
I have always been a reasonable person; I am calm under pressure, logical, and I don't often lose my temper. I am a little but shy when it comes to new people. I think that manners and social graces are very important and I despise rudeness and arrogance. I like being around people who are geniune, warm and tolerant.
My WARRIOR MOTHER has other ideas.
SHE is not that dissimilar to me, except her motivations are not quite as diverse. SHE has one overiding motivation and that is to protect and defend the small one at all costs. Someone points out Ava's bright red hair in the street? SHE curls her lip back and growls a warning not to touch the small one's head. Someone carelessly bumps Ava in the shopping centre? SHE snaps around, snarling and shielding the small one. One of the other small children at daycare wants a toy, and hits Ava because she has it? I can barely restrain HER, because all she wants to do is go and slap that child as hard as SHE can for daring to touch HER baby.
When Ava was small, we were at the pool, swimming. It was Ava's second time in the water, and she was timidly kicking her chubby little legs, feeling her way and trusting the big people to keep her safe. Some boys of about 9 or 10 were throwing a ball to each other over the pool. A couple of throws, happy laughter,until a throw fell short, and landed on Ava's face.
WARRIOR MOTHER took over immediately, snatching the screaming and scared baby from her shocked father's arms, SHE cradled the infant tightly to her body, and started after the boys.
The poor boys took off in a blind panic. I am sure that they have never been so scared in their lives.
Well now, the obvious truth here is that the Warrior Mother is not a mythical being, nor is she a separate entity like in a fantasty RPG, but who I am, now that I am a "mother". The pure intensity of that rage in that moment will stick with me for the rest of my life. Ava had awakened in me a love so intense, and so complete that I would literally go aganst my nature to protect it. And I will, over and over. Each new challenge Ava faces brings with it an emotional reaction so visceral and so strong that I have named her. She is my WARRIOR MOTHER.
Ava, you permeate every second of my time and every part of my being. I want everything for you, and nothing more than to know that I am getting some of the 'mothering' things right. I don't understand how I thought I knew about love before you.
Friday, September 3, 2010
What a difference a year makes.
A little over a year ago I made the very difficult decision to leave my husband, and as it turned out, my home, financial security and for a little while, my sanity.
This decision took me a very long time to come to...it's not an easy thing to tell someone that although you respect them as a friend and father of your child, that you no longer are romantically in love with them. I hurt Ava's Dad very much, and he still, to this day, is very angry and hurt.
The months following Ava's birth, I think her Dad was in a very dark place. He spent a lot of time away from the house, doing a lot of martial arts and other testosterone fueled activities. His temper became shorter and shorter, and he would ridicule me in front of his friends and family. In hindsight, I guess that he was very depressed and felt trapped and unsure of his new role as a father and so he coped by running away. And the more I pushed him to be the family man I wanted him to be, the more he got angry and aggressive. I felt like I was left to do everything: parenting, cleaning, working (I was back at work when Ava was 6 months old), gardening....basically holding the fort whilst he used me as a home base.
I had no idea why the man I loved morphed into this man. I felt like he stopped caring about me and how I felt and he has remained focussed on himself and his needs ever since. I missed the man who would call me his Princess and agree to my crazy adventures. I didn't want to be with someone who was so self centred and full of anger and who made me feel used and miserable.
A man I knew and I became great friends. He showed me what it was like to be respected and trusted and treated well. He was kind to me, didn't put me down or ridicule me, didn't treat me like a piece of meat to be used whenever the urge struck. He liked me for who I was inside and how our relationship made him feel. We were only friends, but we already felt like soulmates.
So, I fell in love with him. Not being a deceitful person by nature, I worked up the courage to tell my husband that I no longer loved him and I thought I had feelings for someone else. It took me a week, but finally Ava's Daddy asked me what was wrong, and I told him. Everything and the truth.
And now it has been a year. A very tumultous year. I have lost so very, very much, but gained things as well. And the biggest thing I have gained is the feeling that I am doing what is right. Right for me, right for my baby, and right for the person that helped me bring her into the world. The harsh truth is always better than sugar coated lies.
A little over a year ago I made the very difficult decision to leave my husband, and as it turned out, my home, financial security and for a little while, my sanity.
This decision took me a very long time to come to...it's not an easy thing to tell someone that although you respect them as a friend and father of your child, that you no longer are romantically in love with them. I hurt Ava's Dad very much, and he still, to this day, is very angry and hurt.
The months following Ava's birth, I think her Dad was in a very dark place. He spent a lot of time away from the house, doing a lot of martial arts and other testosterone fueled activities. His temper became shorter and shorter, and he would ridicule me in front of his friends and family. In hindsight, I guess that he was very depressed and felt trapped and unsure of his new role as a father and so he coped by running away. And the more I pushed him to be the family man I wanted him to be, the more he got angry and aggressive. I felt like I was left to do everything: parenting, cleaning, working (I was back at work when Ava was 6 months old), gardening....basically holding the fort whilst he used me as a home base.
I had no idea why the man I loved morphed into this man. I felt like he stopped caring about me and how I felt and he has remained focussed on himself and his needs ever since. I missed the man who would call me his Princess and agree to my crazy adventures. I didn't want to be with someone who was so self centred and full of anger and who made me feel used and miserable.
A man I knew and I became great friends. He showed me what it was like to be respected and trusted and treated well. He was kind to me, didn't put me down or ridicule me, didn't treat me like a piece of meat to be used whenever the urge struck. He liked me for who I was inside and how our relationship made him feel. We were only friends, but we already felt like soulmates.
So, I fell in love with him. Not being a deceitful person by nature, I worked up the courage to tell my husband that I no longer loved him and I thought I had feelings for someone else. It took me a week, but finally Ava's Daddy asked me what was wrong, and I told him. Everything and the truth.
And now it has been a year. A very tumultous year. I have lost so very, very much, but gained things as well. And the biggest thing I have gained is the feeling that I am doing what is right. Right for me, right for my baby, and right for the person that helped me bring her into the world. The harsh truth is always better than sugar coated lies.
Saturday, March 14, 2009
My baby smells like cheese and vegemite...
My little girls breath smells like cheese and vegemite. Is there anything sweeter in the world? When does breath turn sour? When do people start getting skinky morning (or all day?) breath? Because I could smell her for hours. (It's a mum thing)
I hung out with my best friend and her sister yesterday. Three girls, four babies and one.... Wii fit! It was so much fun! I am a little achy today, only in the abs from doing jack knifes (ARGH!) and lunches. Ooops-did I say lunches- I meant lunges. (wish it was lunches!) So, I have decided that the Wii fit is AWESOME and I want one.
Alas! I do not want to pay $550, because I don't have a Wii either. Hmmm, time to rekindle my old ebay addiction I think!
Back onto lunches, I was out all day yesterday, and I am pretty impressed with my food choices. I had a Biggest Loser shake for breakfast (I don't normally do the shakes thing, but I find it really good if I'm in a hurry or Ava is being demanding), sushi for lunch and subway for tea. Yummo, and I stayed under my calories for the day! YAY.
So today is my weigh in day, and I weigh- 66.3 kilos! YAY! That's a massive 13.7 kilos since I had Ava...go me. And to celebrate, I am wearing my old size 14 jeans. I never thought I would celebrate wearing a size 14, but there you go!
Best to do some housework whilst baby is asleep....
I hung out with my best friend and her sister yesterday. Three girls, four babies and one.... Wii fit! It was so much fun! I am a little achy today, only in the abs from doing jack knifes (ARGH!) and lunches. Ooops-did I say lunches- I meant lunges. (wish it was lunches!) So, I have decided that the Wii fit is AWESOME and I want one.
Alas! I do not want to pay $550, because I don't have a Wii either. Hmmm, time to rekindle my old ebay addiction I think!
Back onto lunches, I was out all day yesterday, and I am pretty impressed with my food choices. I had a Biggest Loser shake for breakfast (I don't normally do the shakes thing, but I find it really good if I'm in a hurry or Ava is being demanding), sushi for lunch and subway for tea. Yummo, and I stayed under my calories for the day! YAY.
So today is my weigh in day, and I weigh- 66.3 kilos! YAY! That's a massive 13.7 kilos since I had Ava...go me. And to celebrate, I am wearing my old size 14 jeans. I never thought I would celebrate wearing a size 14, but there you go!
Best to do some housework whilst baby is asleep....
Saturday, January 31, 2009
work, work, work
I had my first 2 days back at work on Thursday and Friday, and on Monday morning I will have students. Argh, where did my at home mummy time go??
It was so nice to be back at work, and if I wasn't constantly thinking about Ava, then I would have had the best, most enjoyable 2 days that I think someone could have at work. I work in the best department, surrounded by the best teachers (and friends). I geniunely like a lot of people who teach at my school, and who make the place a wonderful place to be. And most of all, most of the staff at my school are damn good teachers and passionate about improving outcomes for students.
Ah, but my baby will have her first day at daycare on Monday. My husband will take her in at 11.30, and I finish work at 1.30 on a Monday, so it won't be a long day away from us for her...still it's someone else. boo hoo hoo...
It was so nice to be back at work, and if I wasn't constantly thinking about Ava, then I would have had the best, most enjoyable 2 days that I think someone could have at work. I work in the best department, surrounded by the best teachers (and friends). I geniunely like a lot of people who teach at my school, and who make the place a wonderful place to be. And most of all, most of the staff at my school are damn good teachers and passionate about improving outcomes for students.
Ah, but my baby will have her first day at daycare on Monday. My husband will take her in at 11.30, and I finish work at 1.30 on a Monday, so it won't be a long day away from us for her...still it's someone else. boo hoo hoo...
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