I know it shouldn't, but it makes me very, very sad and morose. Why? They played their part in my life, we grew apart, things happen. Still, I am in one of those funks right now.
I logged into my Myspace (hey, there's a blast from the past) account today for the first time in around two years, and shed a few tears looking at my top friends list. My life is so different now, and the people in it have all changed. I miss them all so much.
I was so tempted was I to peer into their lives, to try and recapture those moments in my life in which they played their role, and it bothered me that I would be so sad thinking upon my past. So, I deleted the account. The memories can stay, but I think I shall move onto making new ones.
Ones that will make me smile when I think back on them.
* * * * *
I haven't really felt very inspired to blog of late. I know I am kind of stating the obvious, but it has been a very hard couple of months, and to preserve His Majesty's sanity, I decided not to make a lot of it very public. I have to leave His Majesty some sanity....... he has to live with me remember! But, next week is Miss Ava's third birthday, the anniversary of her beautiful arrival on July 3rd, 2008.
My baby is three. So, really, my baby is not a baby anymore. *sniff*
My (gulp!) little girl can read her name, and get many of the letters of the alphabet correct. She can use the toilet all by herself. She can get an egg from the fridge, and she can crack it too. Ava can ask for something politely, use please, thank you and excuse me, has an indoor voice and an outdoor voice. She loves Grace Kelly, and if you sit still long enough will tell you her entire life story including that she was killed in a car accident and that she was a 'real' princess. Ava loves singing, and dancing, and adores animals. She is my entire life, everything I live and breathe and work and exist for. Each birthday bring a not so subtle reminder that she needs me less and less, and all the while I love her more and more.
So excuse me on Sunday if I crawl off into a corner somewhere and sob inconsolably.
One day, if I do my job properly, she won't need me at all. (But thank goodness it's a fair way off yet!)